Unlike you
by Wolfstardeer
Summary: A WOLFSTAR STORY - Through the eyes of Sirius & Remus, you get involved in their experiences of their 6th year at Hogwarts, where they learn alongside magic also their friendship, their true feelings about each other, and how their reputation and history affects all that. *soon to be followed by a Jily drama/romance story, that continues somewhere in the middle of this story.
1. Chapter 1

**INTRO**

It was just this day that Remus John Lupin woke up with a dizzy mind. It still was there though, of course it couldn't go away after all this time he had those feelings, let alone in one night. It was traumatic and the worst thing was that he even couldn't describe to himself what exactly he was feeling. It was a night just like any others, except it was two nights till the first quidditch match this year began, everyone was looking forward to this Saturday afternoon. Remus yawned and sat straight upon his bed. He looked at his friends, who were still asleep. Remus didn't mind waking them up, they still had 3 hours left to wake up, eat and prepare for the first class that day. Besides, it wasn't like James, Sirius and Peter really cared for the classes anyway, and if they would they didn't show it. Remus stood up and pulled a sweater on over his pajamas, he walked downstairs to the common room without noticing someone seeing him leave.

 **Sirius Pov.**

Some cracking door noises definitely woke me up, not that I'd care, I should probably hurry anyway if James let me sleep through the first couple of classes again, which he didn't do in a long time, the more reason to do it now. But when I looked out of the window I saw that it wasn't light at all, and when I looked at James' bed he was still sleeping there. Same counts for Peter, though when I looked across the room at Remus' bed, it was empty. This happened a lot lately. Or he ''fell asleep while studying in the common room'' or he ''was just doing some homework with Lily'', but I doubt if he was telling the truth in any of these situations, though he always had Lily's back. It was kind of weird, their friendship, actually they could be equivalent opponents as they're both top of the class, but instead they had decided to become friends because… I didn't know why actually. Probably because a lot of stuff, Lily was a muggleborn, while the same didn't count for Remus who was halfblood, they still might've felt unaccepted and inferior as Remus had this huge secret of him being a werewolf and Lily having such a trouble with her sister's approval. Not that Remus told her about his secret, he was scared for what her reaction might've been, but I guess she could feel that he hid something for her. I see why it's a huge secret though, Remus told me he didn't like to tell people, or at least not too many. He was scared he'd lose them. I wonder if he'll ever reconsider, since he didn't lose us when he told us he was a werewolf. Though of course he didn't have much of a choice, since we confronted him with all these nights he sneaked away, and every night it was a full moon when he left us. But still, he did tell us. He was upset, _really_ upset. He didn't want us to see him as some creepy monster and despise him. We tried to cheer him up by calling his secret ''his furry problem'', which he didn't appreciate at all, with as the consequence him not speaking to us for over a week. That was hard. Not because of the homework or studying, we could handle all that with some effort which made it unimaginably boring. There was just something missing. I guess it's the effect of losing someone dear, if only for a minute. The tiny empty hole somewhere inside, Remus talked about that. He read many books and sometimes when I was tired and James went to the kitchen with Peter, Remus read me his favourite part. Sometimes it was about friendship, or a perfect marriage or bravery. Though last month it was an intense chapter. It was about a girl and a boy, the boy wanted the girl to notice him. Though she was obsessed with someone else: the bully. Remus words took me for one moment in a place of emptiness, where both sad and happy memories live amongst each other. I thought it was deep, and I'm sure Remus did too. He still kept the book, even though he already finished the book and should've returned it two weeks ago, which is not like the Remus I know, who never forgets to return a book, and always, always always, finishes the book within a week. Though the hole inside my stomach went away when Remus 're-joined' the Marauders. It was in the evening, and yes, we did go to the kitchen late at night to celebrate his return. We were happy when came to talk to us about it. I think our friendship became way stronger because of that.

''Moony? Are you there?'', I yawn.

No answer.

''Dammit'', I sigh. Waking up isn't my strongest point, there's no reason for that. All I can say in my defence is that I'm not a morning person.

With a deep sigh I sit straight upon my bed. I really need coffee to wake up. ''I definitely need some'', I murmur like a Zombie. I stand up and walk off the stairs, feeling more sleepy with every step I take. When I enter the common room a surprised voice asks me if he woke me up. I know that voice, it's Moony's. Remus is sitting in a couch, staring at me.

''Uhm. No, actually not'', I say overwhelmed. It's only after I said it when I realise I lie. It probably was him waking me up, by closing the door that caused a cracking noise.

''Well than, what are you doing here? You're never up so early'' He asked, not really meaning it. ''Unless you're worrying if some girl likes you or not'', he concluded eventually.

I grin, as I plopped down on the the same couch as him. It was quiet, so I stared at the fireplace, the warmth of the red fire really appealed to me, and let me dream away in my own world. In the fire I happened to see a red figure, which reminded me of a stag. It wasn't really there of course, just my imagination with the fire. It was peaceful though, till Remus woke me up with words that had an actual meaning.

''Hey, are you okay?''

He is serious this time, and I look at him.

''You look dreamy'', he says as if he's a spiritual expert.

I grin. ''Well, yeah I guess, it's the middle of the night''. I smile at him and he smiles back, though there's something about his smile, but I just can't put my finger on what it is.


	2. Chapter 2

**Remus' Pov.**

''I've been thinking about something'', he says to me. His grey eyes reflect the early sunlight, even though I see one eyelid is still a bit sleepy.

I look at him in surprise and suspect, what was he thinking about? Was it about his brother Regulus, with his 'wrong' friends? It could always be about what kind of prank he is planning to do now, but that didn't seem a reason to be sad. Mostly when he or James came up with another idea they're both very excited, sleepy or not, they're overwhelmed that they've found another great plan to make fool of the students, professors or staff. Or he could be thinking about the most unlikely thing, about me, about us. It is the only thing I can think of, us together, as a couple. I bet we would be a great couple, but I guess not everyone sees it that way. Like Sirius himself. He had quite some girlfriends in the past, which made me sad, even the innocent 'love', which you can barely call love, he had in our first schoolyear, it was one time of a hell. But it prepared me well enough for the years that would come. Four years ago he had this girlfriend, I don't even know who it was. He had a new girlfriend every few months, in our third year. In the fourth and fifth year he was single, but he kissed some girls and probably did some stuff with them I don't even want to know, but no 'official' girlfriend those two years. And now we're here, the beginning of our sixth year of Hogwarts and he's single. At least for as far as I know, I didn't see any girl hanging around him lately so I guess that should mean he's single. And if he still was, did he notice some feelings finally after all those years? Did he finally felt anything for me? I can't think of anything he could say except that he loves me. I didn't even know if I believed it myself, I just wanted him to say it.

Sirius sighs

This can be something good, right? It probably is? I mean, it must be quite hard to tell me he loves me?

''You know, Moons, there's this girl, Marlene. I really like her, she's cute, fun and kind. I just don't know how to tell her'', he sighs

The same as I don't know how to tell you that I love you, Sirius, god dammit!

''Uhm.. yeah- wait'', I don't know what I'm saying, I literally don't know what I'm saying! Okay, Remus, stay calm. You got this. Of course he doesn't love me back, why did I even think that, I'm a frickin' werewolf! I knew this was gonna happen, possibly no one wants me anyway. When I talked to McGonagall last year about my chances for a job she was honest and told me they were not very high, for the reason that I was a werewolf. And no one wants werewolfs, you know that right!? Ugh, I'm overreacting but I do know that my future life will be hard if I tell people who I am, and my feelings. A gay werewolf, like seriously universe, why? Could it possibly get any worse? Every month I turn into a monster and I think I could possibly have returned love from Sirius. Sirius, who wants me to tell him how happy I am for him that he found a girl again. Who wants me to give him hints about how to tell her he likes her. No not even that he 'likes' her, he _loves_ her, while I am not even able to tell him I love him. This world has just gone insane in no time.

''Well, uhm, I guess you could just tell her? Just walk up to Marlene and say that you like her''

I try not to succumb. I don't want him to see me going all emotional right now, he doesn't even deserve my foolish heart. I stand up and prepare myself to tell my crush a good lie to escape from him. Most people would do it the other way around, and make up excuses to stay with their crush. Well I have to say, for me it was already enough. It's not even fair, I yearn for Sirius forever, but he doesn't notice me at all, still my brain and feelings don't want to give him up. I know it's not really giving him up, my love for him is honestly what I should give up, it's not like it is going to happen any time soon, or let's just say, it's never going to happen anyway.

''Hey Sirius... '' I suddenly have the chance to tell him I love him. It's a chance I could take, it's now or never some people would say, but I know the only thing it would cause was chaos.

''Padfoot'', I begin. My heart is begging me to say it. I don't, I can't.

''I have to return a book to the library real quick'', I quickly say, before my heart says something else than I want to. Immediately I turn around and run up the stairs to take a random book, just to make it believe worthy that I really need to return a book. As I walk through the common room making my way out, I see Sirius staring at the fire, probably still thinking about how he's going to tell Marlene that he really loves her. It's impossible almost, Sirius asking someone how to tell a girl his feelings for her, he already had so much girlfriends, why is this new girl suddenly so difficult and important? Well, at least he isn't falling for a good friend of me, like James is.

I walk along the library, I don't really need to go there though, I think it was credible enough. Not like Sirius would even notice me. _Why would he be worried about a gay werewolf?_

I really need somewhere quiet, I can't handle this even though I thought I could. Of course he doesn't know I'm gay, no one does. Not that I don't want to, but I'm just not ready. And… yeah I guess I also don't want anyone to know I'm gay yet. Especially not the fact that the person I'm gay for is Sirius. I just-

A redhead noticed me and is walking straight up to me. Not just any redhead, the redhead, Lily.

''Oh, hey Lils'', I say quickly, trying my very best to smile so she wouldn't ask how I was doing.

''Have you heard it?'', she asks full of energy.

''Uhm, no? What is it abo-'', before even getting the chance to finish my sentence, she interrupts me.

''You didn't, did you?'', I see a soft undertone in her green eyes.

''What-''

''There was an attack again''

My eyes widened. ''Ŕeally? Where!?''

''In Diagon Alley. The worst thing is that Ollivanders was attacked. It is empty now, they took Mr Ollivander'', she looked at me, sad and probably disappointed in the world.

''I can't believe that happened'', I say. Why does this insane world has to be any more mad? It's already mad enough. You can't surpass it now though.

Poor Mr Ollivander, I have no clue what they're trying to do with a wandmaker but I bet the Ministry is soon going to find his dead body. No one who gets abducted ever escapes alive.

''Poor Mr Ollivander'', she sighs,''I wonder where he's now. He's probably getting...''

She sighs sadly.

''tortured'', I finish her sentence. It was sad though, no one deserves to be tortured, especially not Mr Ollivander.

''I remember when I bought my wand there'', she sobs. ''He was so kind and modest''

''Yeah, he was'', though I have had a tiny different experience with Mr Ollivander.

When I bought my first wand at Ollivanders it was… well let's say different. He tried quite some wands, looking for the right one for me. But then he just stared at me and I could see him thinking. Not in a nice way though, not even a normal way. The longer I waited while he was thinking the more of a disgust he had on his face. He looked at me in disgust. With a steel face he handed me my wand, my current one. After my parents paid for it we left. I didn't realised it then, but I knew what he was thinking about at the beginning of my first school year at Hogwarts. More specific; my first full moon at Hogwarts. With that coming closer I realised, all of a sudden, that he looked at me in disgust because he suspected me of being a werewolf. I wouldn't know how he would know that, I never thought someone would notice me having a secret, and that secret being kind of a big deal: I am a werewolf. I didn't like him that much, but I pretended I did, 'cause almost everyone loved him, they said he was such a kind and modest man. Well, all I could think is that none of those things were what I saw that day, but it stays with thinking, not saying it out loud. I would never do that, somewhere I think everyone saying he's so good are right, I'm just looking from the wrong perspective.

''Hey Remus?'', the green eyes were looking at me, again.

''Yeah?'', I quickly wake up from my thoughts. I hope she didn't noticed me floating away.

''I did see you right there though, Rem. What's on your mind?''

''Nothing. Just- nothing''

''Well, if it's nothing, you have to look at that over there! My god...'', she points with her eyes at some hot quidditch players walking through the corridor.

Oh my god, they are hot. ''Well, if you say so, I guess'', I try to sound as straight as possible.

''Hm? Oh sorry, yeah of course, sorry you're right. You're not interested in that''

''Indeed'', I answer doubting if she really believes it or is just playing the game along with me.

''So, is there anyone you're interested in?'', she asks kindly, still looking at the quidditch players. The hot quidditch players who dare to just interrupt my thoughts. Why did they need to be so hot, dammit.

''You know, Marlene is getting beautiful too'', she hints.

''Sirius just told me he has something with Marlene'', I say dry, without blinking.

''Oh… Well someone else than? What do you think of-''

Oh no, not this again. It's every year around this period that she's trying to get me a girlfriend. I'd rather stay single than having her matching me with girls I don't even know or like.

''Well, you know what Lils? I'll just go to the library on my own'', I smile friendly, but I really mean it. I can't use this. Not now, not ever.


	3. Chapter 3

**Remus' Pov.** _Some time later_

''Since when is the library your new hiding place?'', he grins.

''Since forever'', I have to smile, looking at his beautiful face. His grey eyes, and reasonably long hair, that hangs to his shoulders. _Of course, that's just my opinion._

Someone is standing behind him, messy hair and a pair of glasses. Somewhere deep down I know who it is, but I don't want to ask or say anything to him. I don't know why. Or maybe I do. It's just- well I couldn't say it's because of Sirius, could I? But it really is because of him though. Of course I can't blame him for existing, it's really my mistake. No one falls in love with a good friend, that's creepy. I must look creepy - if people found out. The person with messy hair and a pair of glasses - James, puts his arms around Sirius and messes up Sirius' hair. If the school didn't knew any better they would think that James and Sirius were a couple. Well I can't disagree, they literally act like a gay couple. If I wouldn't know any better I'd think they did it on purpose. But they would never do anything that could hurt me of course, at least not if they knew it would hurt me. And probably they don't know this is torture to me. _Even though_ James is falling for Lily, everyone knows that, since the beginning of our first year. Several years have passed but I don't see any improvement, the only thing that you could see as an improvement is that Snape is no longer Lily's friend anymore. Which I think is a great improvement. I never liked him anyway, but she's right about giving everyone a chance. She's fair. But Snape really isn't. He has his new friends now, those obsessed with the dark arts.

''We made a plan'', James begins with a broad smile.

''to bully Snivellus'', Sirius finishes.

'' _And_ , to prove myself to Lily''

'Are you kidding? You sound like a beggar. Soon you will even call her Princess Lilybeth, princess of our humble school'', Sirius laughs.

I grin. Sirius has always been a drama queen. Obviously. And I believe he will stay that forever. I think we could all use a funny, good looking drama queen, any time. Especially in these times of war.

''No, of course I'm not kidding'', Sirius smirks

''Hey! I'm trying to be serious over here'', James replies frustrated.

Right after he said it we all realised he shouldn't have said that. Especially by seeing Sirius, who's trying not to laugh his ass off. I wonder why not everyone wants to kiss that face. I smiled, James smiled too. Though we both had different reasons to smile. Sirius grey eyes were so bright and full of happiness. Only that was enough to make my day. Most likely James didn't look at him like that, he probably only saw the amazing never-get-old joke connected with our loved drama queen Padfoot.

''I bet you are serious'', I say to James.

''Hey! You're forgetting me!'', says Sirius, with his puppy dog eyes, trying not to laugh.

''Well, thanks'', James ignored Sirius.

''Oh there's Lily!'', he muttered.

James walked up to her, it didn't went unnoticed. Some drama seekers saw them, they prepared for it; the fierce rejection. I saw Lily turning towards him, but she didn't look that fierce to me, or like she was going to say anything negative to James.

''Hey James'', she said. I could see James was fluttering in the clouds.

''Hey, Lily''

''Sorry for you it's still Miss Evans, Potter''

''Oh'', I could see the disappointment on his face from over here.

''I'm just joking, dammit James, I thought you invented jokes?''

"Of course I did. I am the most professional prankster, no one can joke around like I do. I can make everyone laugh, watch me"

He sticks his tongue out and acts like a pig. Literally though, I see James crawling around on the ground making pig noises. Lily laughs, and she's not the only one. Some students who were trying hard to study two minutes ago were now... having fun. They laughed, while rolling over the floor of the fun. Well James was right, he could make anyone laugh. Even if he had to sacrifice his dignity and respect. After James stood up they had a more normal conversation. While they still laughed or smiled sometimes, there was nobody acting like a pig anymore. At least not yet. I couldn't believe they had this conversation. Sirius and I looked at each other.

''They might actually end up as a couple, I'm afraid''

''Well, as long as they're both happy it's a good thing'', I say. And I really meant it. They deserve to love and be loved.

''They definitely end up as a couple'', Sirius says dreamy, more into himself than to me.

''Peter and I would be the only singles than'', I say, curious how he reacts by leaving him out of 'the singles'. But I'm disappointed when he just answers with.

''Yeah, I guess you're right''

''You guys should find a girl too, though'', he adds.

''I don't know about that, padfoot''

''Why? Please don't say that you're scared that a girlfriend takes time which you could use to study for school. That is nonsense''

I know that everyone probably thinks that of me, maybe even Lily. But it's really something else. I don't want a _girl_ friend. But nobody seems to notice the difference anymore. It's almost like you're getting encouraged to just kiss and fuck a random girl, and that disgusts me. If that's where this world goes I'd rather live in the muggle world. However I doubt if it's any different out there. I look at James and Lily, they're still talking. Normal talking, which is exceptional. I should definitely ask Lily what changed her mind. And maybe she doesn't love him, but becoming friends would be already an enormous step.

''How are things going with Marlene, actually?''

''Quite okay'', Padfoot just says. ''Okay who am I kidding? I still need to tell her how I feel about her ''

''Well do it! I bet she returns those feelings'', I try to be a good friend, but I know very well that I don't mean that. I don't want her to return his feelings, I know that sounds selfish. It is selfish. But I want to be selfish now, I _want_ him. And if that not may happen, I just want myself to have a dream, something I can think of and smile. Us, together. We would be an amazing couple, if we would ever be a couple.

''I think you're right'', he just says. He's staring at me, his eyes were lighting up. That can't be of looking at me, and I suddenly feel that someone is standing behind me. Someone who's not wanted.

''Hey, Remus'', she says softly.

''Hi Marlene''

''Sirius could we talk please?'', she points with her head to two seats further away, from me. I know, she wants to speak to him in person. I shouldn't let that happen.

''Sure'', I see how Sirius is secretly super excited. Of course he's excited, his _crush_ just asked if she could speak to him in person! They walk away and all I can think is, _why did I let that happen?_ I look at them as they walk away, it almost feels like they walk away from my life. Well, especially Sirius. I thought he wouldn't get a girlfriend this year, well I _hoped_ that. Anyway, it seems like this is gonna be something special, something I don't want it to be. I want it to be just a talk about homework, some essay for History of Magic or something.

''Hey Moony, are you still here?'', it's James.

I turn around. James is smiling, more than usual, I can't blame him. He just had the most perfect time of his life, more precisely, with Lily. '

'Yeah. How did it go?''

''It went absolutely great! I don't know where to start, I guess we just talked and it clicked between us. She's so much more than beautiful, she's kind, funny, and extremely smart''

''Yeah, I know'' I say sadly, looking at the place where Sirius and Marlene disappeared two minutes ago.

''I really like her, you know'', James adds unnecessary.

''Hey, where is Sirius actually?'', James suddenly realises.

Finally, but I doubt if I am able to say it.

''Well he just- uhm, I don't know. left...?''

''With Marlene'', I add.

''Why did Marlene came to talk to him than?''

''She's probably his new girlfriend'', I murmur.

''What!? He has a girlfriend?''

''Well it seems like it. But if we have luck it might turn out to be nothing''

''If we have luck? I think they would be a lovely couple, don't you?''

''I don't know. If you say so'', I'll never admit they'd be a great couple. What about Sirius and I? Aren't we a great couple? ''I think a relationship would make him much happier, he'll need that'' ''Wasn't he happy already than?'', it can't be that he was unhappy all time. James must be guessing. I'd notice if he haven't been feeling right.

''He pretended like he was feeling great. He made jokes, flirted with some girls- yeah he did that, why wouldn't he. But the big point is that his-'', he looks at me, probably realising something.

''He hasn't told you, has he?''

''What is he supposed to tell me?''

''Ugh. Sorry Moony, but I'm just not supposed to tell you, Sirius is. When he's ready to tell you he will''

''What? No. You can't just ignore me! C'mon, Prongs…'' James sighed defeated.

''It's Sirius' brother. Regulus has these 'wrong friends'. And I know you already know that, but now things have changed. Regulus is now not only part of the group, he has become the leader of it. The group is not that big, I mean look how young Regulus is. It just mostly exists out of 1st, 2th and 3rd year students. Not the same group as Snivellus, just to let you know. That would at least have made things simple, just hurt that Snivellus and we could drag Regulus to whoever he needs to be with to heal mentally or something. You know I'm not an expert.'' He grins,''anyway, it's not that easy. Besides they´re so young that it's seen as harmless. It's hard for Sirius, he can't do a thing about it. His brother, who he thought was the only good sparkle of his family, is now the leader of some young horrible dark arts school club. He finds it hard to deal with it. He used to protect his brother when they were at that terrible house of his family, it's hard to see him going into the dark arts especially leading that stupid little club!''

''Oh my god. That is. That's horrible!'', is all I can say. Nothing I didn't expect, the more shocking to my experience. He never told me about it, why didn't he just tell me? '

'He does know I'll support him whenever right?''

I wouldn't answer that either. He can't talk for Sirius, besides what would James' answer result in? Happiness, relief? No, since it wasn't the claim of Sirius, it was just a nice answer, seen so many times in conversations. _Do I look fine? Yes you do! Thanks._ Really worthless words, just to fill the silence. If he didn't trust me I can't blame him, in fact I'm a horrible friend myself, I should've noticed him acting strange. How didn't I noticed something that's worrying my crush!? I should definitely ask him about this. Was he alright?

It was almost like James could read my thoughts by saying,''No, I don't want you to ask him if he's okay. He has gone through a lot and I was not supposed to tell you any of this, so please, just don't tell him, will you?''

I sighed, I cared about padfoot. I wanted to help him if he needed any help and now that it turns out he needed that all along I want to give it to him. Help, in the form of support and love. I want to hug him, to kiss him. I want to-... never mind. I shouldn't focus on my love for him, especially not when Sirius needs support, not selfishness and embarrassment and I don't think he is yearning for awkward situations either. I need to be a good friend, for once.

''Whatever you're thinking, just don't confront him with it, okay? A girlfriend might just be what he needs, so let him have that. I think he'll pass the tests this year easily anyway.''

''Yeah, You're right''

Where is Sirius actually? I didn't think talking to Marlene would take this long?

''Where's Sirius?''

''Honestly, I thought he said to you where he went… He's probably making out with her anyway, I don't think we want to see that'', he jokes.

I fake a smile.

''Actually I want to check on him'', I say as I walk away from him.

''Moony… I don't think he's in the mood for that'', James worries.

He probably thinks I'm going to confront him with the fact that his little brother has just become leader of some little dark obsession school club anyway. But I'm not. Well, I feel like it's going to happen whatever I'll do, but I will try to prevent the confrontation, 'cause like James said, he needs someone, he needs love. And I think that love doesn't specifically has to be a girlfriend, it can be a boyfriend too... Or just being closer than friends, with me. I'd be there for him, so if he wants me to ignore the leadership of his little brother I will.

''James. I won't. There's just this… thing, for Charms, I have his book so… I think I'm going to give it back. To him'', well I must say that sounded pretty convenient, in my opinion.

''Ugh, well okay''

I turned around but then some hand grabbed my shoulder. I turned back again and James is standing close, very close, and I might add a little too close for a gay werewolf.

''I really meant it, Remus'', it's a threat, not that much of a deal at the moment. I have better things to do than listening to threats, like checking up on Sirius.

''Prongs- I won't. I promise'', oh and of course I think that I should lie. Well it is not lying when you really mean it but you doubt if you can actually fit in that promise, right? Who am I even trying to convince here?

''Okay than'', he let go of my shoulder and I turn around wondering where Sirius might be.

I'm walking through the library. He can't be that far, can he? Maybe he is, but let's just hope he didn't go that far 'cause he… _wants to be near me?_ Oof. Why does this even sound ridiculous in my head?

''Oh, who am I kidding. He could be anywhere'', I murmur, hoping that I'm wrong in every way.

When I arrived at the entrance of the library I saw him. Well, him... I saw the back of his head. And yeah, I did recognise the back of his head very well, who do you think I am? ''Hey pads, how did-'', I stop. I can't think clearly. I must see things wrong, maybe I have an illness or something because this can't be happening. He can't do that to me. I see Sirius. He. He's kissing someone, and that someone might just be Marlene. Of all people. A girl. Just. Hng! I can't think of any repsonse. I just stand there staring at them, thinking the obvious, I hate her. It's like a reflex towards people who steal stuff from you. Suddenly they notice me, and stop. I almost hear the plop you hear when you put a toilet plunger in the toilet. I reply to their kiss way too soon, I guess my brains didn't had the chance to filter emo, stalker thoughts.

''Ew, what are you doing Sirius!?'', I sound like an annoying, moaning ex-girlfriend, but I just can't help myself.

''What are you talki-''

''I thought you needed help'', I say nonchalantly. ''But it turns out you didn't need any help at all!…'', omg I need to stop. I really do sound like a horrible bitch.

''What do you mean? Why would I need help?'', he tries to sound unknowing, as if I'm crazy and he doesn't know what I'm talking about. Or maybe he really doesn't know where I'm talking about. Perhaps he is the unknowing husband, doing nothing wrong but still being blamed for everything going wrong in a relationship. Are we really like some crazy TV-show!? I'll just make clear we're on the same page before he decides I've gone insane.

''It's all about your brother'', I say.

''Oh and his dark arts emo-friends too''.

It's wrong, telling him. But I doń't have any other excuse to be here, worrying about him. He just looks at me, I can't read his face, but he must be mad at me. I deserve that, I think. I don't know. Does it count as 'doing something horrible' if you don't really know what you're doing? I guess it still does, but that doesn't stop my hope.

''Shut it'', he says. As simple as it may sound, these words can hurt.

''What? Now that we finally talk about real feelings you just get scared? Really though? 'Cause I think tha-''

''Shut it I said!''

It hurts me, maybe I overreact. Maybe some devil turned me into a drama queen instead of him. The sad thing is, he coped with it and he was, like, a good drama queen. I don't know if that even exists, all I know that he must've been way better than I am doing right now. I'm a horrible, moaning, reasonable nightmare drama queen. And I hate it. All of it.

''You're dead to me, Sirius'', it hurts to say that. I don't want to say that, it's literally pure torture. I've never wanted to be in a fight with Padfo- Sirius.

''-Black'', I add, knowing it might hurt him because of the memory his last name takes with it. Memories of his horrible family, however, honestly, I'm not much better than them. I know I fucked things up right now, and I should apologize, if that would even make things normal the way it was before. The way it was before I did this insane thing. But I feel like this is good now. I needed to do this, let the frustration go out. How long was I supposed to wait till he came to me to kiss me!? Am I not allowed to be angry with him, that boy who just messed with my feelings!?

''Okay, go than'', he just says.

All I feel lonely. And sad. ''You're dead to me, Black'', I say, yet again, before walking away angrily.

I fucked it up, and I know it, but I don't feel bad about it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sirius Pov.**

''You're dead to me'', he just says. As if it just are some simple meaningless words, words I wouldn't care about. As if those horrible words can't hurt me. Well, they can't. At least not anymore. I always thought friends' opinions are meaningful and important, but when you get this kind of opinion - not even an opinion, more like an insult - thrown to you, I bet you wouldn't care about anything that person says, the same counts for me. I hurts to think about it - me ignoring a very good friend of mine, but I feel like I have no other choice. If I'm dead to him than that sucks, but I have to go live my life, that's what my family taught me. Be independent, and when someone crosses your line, you finish them. Well, I won't kill Remus because he was my friend, with the focus on 'was', and why would I want to follow my family's footsteps. I don't want to become as horrible as they are, so I'll just… see what happens. We could still make it up or something. But for now he's dead to me, if that's what I am to him I shouldn't worry about trying to make things up, he should. And for now, I don't want to see him, ever again, and maybe that will pass or maybe it won't but for now I feel like avoiding him.

And why did he overreact this way in the first way? It was just a kiss. It's not like he's my ex or lover. He isn't a girl. He probably thinks about my education, which is kind, but how he reacted wasn't. So I guess I'll stay with the fact that he's a meddler and that he's just jealous.

I like the silence now, even though it is hurtful. But I don't care about that anymore. I want the silence to just never stop. Silence forever, just me and my thoughts. Any noise is confusing and honestly I don't know what's making sense or not.

''What _was_ that?'', Marlene asks.

I wish I knew. Remus just stormed into us while we were kissing, I don't see anything that could make him angry, sad or any expressive emotion except for being happy for me. What's is it that worries him so much? Honestly, it's not making sense at all.

''I don't know'', I just say, like I don't know anything.

But one thing I do know, this can't be just of something like an upcoming testweek. This seems personal stress, personal anger. Whatever this is, it was directed at me and not at Marlene, so I'll have to deal with the consequences anyway.

''Anyway, what did you think of the kiss?'', she asks.

Like that's important. Why would I care about how good or not a kiss was if really Remus had anger problems, or worse, that his anger was with a reason I don't know yet.

I noticed him acting strangely from the beginning of the year, and that differency might be the reason for his anger. I should've told someone about it, confronted Remus with it, but I didn't. I was foolish to think everyone acts differently sometimes, I could have prevented this from happening. I hate seeing Moony angry.

''What's it?'', she sees me thinking.

 _Fuck_.

I should be thinking about her, not about Remus being a bad friend. I just kissed the person I loved, I should be in the clouds. I bet I would be, if Remus didn't spoiled everything.

''It was a great kiss'', I say, avoiding her question about how I'm doing, I don't want to talk about that. I say it to avoid subjects but I know it was a great kiss, I'm not lying.

* * *

I think he notices. James. He's sitting in a chair acting like nothing strange is happening. Acting like we shouldn't be apologizing to him about our fucked up behaviour. But I saw it, in his eyes somewhere, blame, to both Remus and me. I should apologize but I wonder if I'd be able to. Mostly because when Remus sees me apologizing to James, he expects me to do the same to him, which I'm not in the mood for, at all. And yes, I know that he'll notice, he's sitting right there. On the left side of the room, the most far away from the fireplace, sits Remus, hiding after a book. He's reading or studying, but it feels forced, like he's acting too. I don't see his eyes and I think I don't want to see it. His puppy dog eyes, begging me for forgiveness. Like I wouldn't forgive you the second you acted like we were friends. We could all just act like it didn't happen? If that was an option it would be my favourite. It's so simple, pretending we're still friends, it shouldn't be that hard, we are the Marauders for a reason. But somewhere I know that now I won't, even if it would be an option, I just don't feel like it, especially because you ruïned my kiss, it was supposed to be a great kiss. An amazing kiss. The first kiss to someone I really, really loved. It's not over yet, I know, tomorrow I'll get plenty of kisses for sure, even if I wouldn't want it. But I do, I think.

Why do I even hesitate about this? This should be the easiest part, I love Marlene, she's hot, nice, smart. She's just great. Our love should be the end of the story, and that we live happily ever after, but I don't know, I can't think much of us living happily ever after. I'm just searching for a legit reason that'll explain my hesitation. My hesitation might've just been because of all the girls I kissed before, but those weren't real kisses, no. I needed them more than they needed me, even though I pretended it was the other way around. I needed someone to love me, someone to understand. While I thought that would be the girls I 'fell in love with', it really were my friends who understood me the most. Of course, I should've known. Highschool-love is just for that one moment, friends you'll stay forever. Friends were way more important than some stupid girls trying to get my attention. But I didn't think of the most logical truth, I was foolish then, just like I'm now, picking random girls to make out. But now I just had my first real kiss. My first real kiss was with Marlene. Ugh, it's so damn easy! I love her, why am I even overthinking all this stuff!?

I guess it's still that I'm me? I feel like a new life has been opened, like I'm starting clean again. But I also feel like everyone knows about me, about all my secrets I might have. That feels wrong, and so I feel I'm getting a stomach ache. I shouldn't be argumenting with myself anyway, it's just the way it is: I love Marlene, and she loves me. Perfect. Right? No common' no more doubts, please. I feel like I'm drowning in myself, but suddenly I see it. The only difference between the old me and the new me is that the new me actually fell in love with a girl and didn't use it as a shield for the world. So now I know I should be happy, I finally did it. I am capable of experiencing love. _I can fall in love!_ I almost want to scream it. Unnecessary, I know. I never thought any of this would be such a relief or surprise.

I walk up to him, he looks back at me. James, not Remus. I won't be able to facing Remus for a while, and I don't think he wants to see me anyway. He was angry in first place, not me. He began, and I know how childish this sounds but I feel like that's the truth. The truth that he attacked me, and that therefore I wish for him to apologize to me, not the other way around. But I also don't want to force him. It's the truth, he's still my friend, somewhere. We've been friends for so long, we can't ruin this by just some outburst or frustration, can we? It could've happened to really anyone.

But now what I think is no longer the truth. It isn't. To be honest, I feel like it really should be up to him. He could make the choice by saying sorry to me, or really anything. He can totally decide. _Our_ _friendship_ is up to him. Which I see is unfair to say of course, but then again, is it so unfair though? Someone smart would have said it wasn't fair. Just for the reason that it is _our_ friendship, not just him on his own.

We both might know what we need to do. No, what he needs to do, now or in the near future, I just hope he does apologize. Not only to me, especially to Marlene, who was kinda shocked by the fact that Remus, who would never be angry at anyone except if someone might've stolen his chocolate, was angry, at her, at us. Most likely many people would believe it. Sure, Remus is a very nice guy, but it's not like he _only_ gets angry when you steal his chocolate. No one is like that. He can be angry literally any time. At me or someone else. It's not that this is one of the most exceptional moments just because of seeing a pissed-off Remus. It's the prejudice of some people that may have fooled everyone into believing this kind of crap, without even noticing it's just crap. A real fact would be: everyone apologizes when they do something bad, like he did, he created this crappy situation. And because he did I just want him to apologize, which is also a fact right here. I know, I just blamed him for literally anything, but what do you expect? I feel like I am right, like Remus really ruined everything. And somewhere I might have a thought that it's not 100% true. Somewhere I know I have this crazy thought that I should have seen this all coming. Somewhere I have this thought that I could have prevented all this from actually happening. Some lost thought my think I'm acting like a drama queen, but who even cares? It's life. So at least I should be able to look critically at my current situation. So let's have a look at that.

I kissed Marlene McKinnon, this beautiful girl, in the library. And it was great, it was- I digress again. Let's just say we kissed. That's all. But then Remus came. I don't know, he just acted weird, but mostly angry and offended. By the cost of what? He just ruined the moment which was supposed to be magical. And, I don't know. How am I supposed to know what's hurting his little feelings? He's not made of sugar, he's just overacting. Again, I guess. At least I know that when he angrily walked away I felt awkward, just because of everything. I know that Marlene was confused about what happened, but so was I.

Halfway my way to James I realise it was stupid. Why am I even trying to bring us group together? I don't know how this all even had an effect on our friendship, but after all, nothing really made sense anymore. Remus getting angry of Marlene and I kissing, and by that it's even getting more complicated. Only now I see that us not being a part of the group for only a day could really make a difference in our group, even though we are the Marauders. And it's not even a possibility anymore that it _might've had_ an effect on our group and friendship, it actually _did_ harm our friendship. It has just gone to the dogs. For literally NOTHING. It's pissing me off the more I think of it. I definitely must try to make things good, at least between James and I. We were friends since day one, I can't let him, down. I have to tell him how I feel about this all.

So I don't stop, with walking to James. He's half lying in this red sofa I was mistaking for a chair. The more I come closer to him the more I see his expression, which shouldn't surprise me after all, he's frowning, really badly. You don't have to be an expert to see that something's bothering him really badly. But luckily, when he sees me he tries to make a neutral face, but it's not working. Not at all, it's actually only making things worse: him trying to hide his feelings for me. I could've never thought of any of this, but of course, who would have seen this coming anyway. It's a mysterious side-effect of an even more mysterious happening. And I want it to stop. To just be like it was before, us friends, us the Marauders. And so when he's within hearing range, I talk. And I keep talking, but not too loud, I don't want Remus to hear me. But I guess he'll find out anyway. He'll find out that I do apologize to people.

''James, you know I'm sorry. I'm just sorry.''

He looks at me. Weirdly…

''Hey, James, c'mmon. You know I'm sorry for what happened. You know that James, please forgive me.''

''Yeah okay, you're right. I can't blame you for what happened.''

''Surely'', I whisper, ''Mostly because it wasn't my fault anyways.''

''Who do you think it was then? You suddenly just ignored me and avoided me, like a whole day.''

I want to say that it was Remus' fault, but I couldn't. Not because I didn't believe that it was his fault anymore. Or maybe it was. James convinced me it wasn't his fault without even mentioning him or knowing any of the stuff that happened. But now I see the real problem, I shouldn't be so worried about what people think of me, like what Remus might think of Marlene and I kissing. It's only that which makes me so pissed off. Just by the fact that Remus didn't like me kissing her. I wouldn't know why, but I feel like that might not be the main problem here right now.

But now, if I have to say anything, I have to blame myself, and sorry, but I'm not that far developed. Not yet anyway. So I blame Remus. I know it is wrong and I really don't blame him for all that has happened, but I have to say it was him, to James. Of all people I had to lie to, it had to be James. To convince him, that Remus did something stupid. Well, half of that was a fact though, Remus _did_ act stupid. And of course it shouldn't be a huge secret that he was the centre of what's all happening. So I said it, not loud and not clearly, but obvious enough for James to think it was all Remus fault. Like I thought some time ago.

I know I should stop this, right here, right now. This one little moment of no return. I should even check if Remus heard me.

I can't imagine what would happen if he actually did hear me. The only thing I can think of is me going straight to hell to pay for everything I did.

Okay maybe that's a little overdone, but I definitely do realise this very moment that I screwed things up. I actually betrayed people. And now I thought it was quite difficult to actually betray people, but I guess I did. And it's that, what's hurting me the most. The moment of realising that I copied my parents. Not totally, but just a few, terrible things.

I want to kill myself.

I don't, actually. But I feel like I would if it wouldn't hurt so much. And the thought of being the first Black committing suicide is torturing me every second I sit here. Still next to James. I hate that. I hate James. I don't know what I hate anymore, but what I do know is that if I would stay here any second longer I might actually just die because of all this tension.

So I stand up. And walk away. I try to walk away. But I'm stopped. I didn't expect anyone to hold my shoulder, but when I saw it was James I was a little surprised, so I guess I did expect someone after all. Who that may be- I don't care who it might be. Probably Marlene anyway, she was so kind and lovely. If she knew what I was feeling I'm sure she would have hold my shoulder. And my hand. We would kiss. Not a hot kiss, but a comfort kiss. Trying to cheer me up. By thinking of that all I can say is,''I love her''.

I hoped I just said that, 'cause in my ears it more sounded like gurgling.

''Who?'', I knew it was James' voice, but when I looked up I saw Remus' eyes curiously looking at me. Someone was being nosy.

''Her''

''Marlene?''

Yes

''eh.. Yes'', it came less confident out of my mouth as I thought it would, but anyway, I said it.

''Oh of course you love her. Did you realise this might even be your first serious relationship?''

''My relationships are always Sirius.'', I don't know what I expected, maybe a laughing James?

But Remus stood up.

He walked right into me.

''You're relationships don't seem to be much serious, Black'', he says.

I wonder if he'd been cursed, as it didn't sound as his real voice.

''Moony'', what do I even have to say except his name? And I didn't even said his name, just some nickname. Well, at least it's better than being called by your last name, nicknames are way more personal I think.

''You know very well that there were always girls waiting for you to be single, and for just 2 years you were single. Yet did you know that being 'single' weirdly gave you access to do stuff without apologizing. Like… having sex'', he said it with a weird emphasis on the 'having sex', which kind of expressed lots of disgust towards me.

I didn't expect this anyway, how was I supposed to know that he would be attacking me, right here, right now?

''What do you mean?''

''I surely bet you know what I mean?''

I don't, really. ''How am I supposed to know what's bothering you?''

''Well I thought you just might''

He sighs.

I want to say 'what do you mean' again. Over and over again. But before I even have the chance to do so, he surprises me.

''Because I fell in love with you''

Woah.

Huh.

It just stops right there.

Everything.

And he walks away.

He just walks away, leaving me alone. Right here, right now. Completely confused.


	5. Chapter 5

**Remus' Pov.**

It's horrible, really. I hate it, all of it. _Truly_ horrible. I can't imagine something being any worse than these kind of moments. The first couple of days after me going over-the-top to Sirius, were and will be horrible. I could feel it in my bones, my stomach, every spot where I had nerves. I hated this moment and all I want to say is _I wanna die_ , to scream it out loud and giving all my frustration away to the universe. But I don't say it, obviously. Some people might actually take it way more seriously than I mean it, I don't really _want_ to die. It's just that if I'd die right now I wouldn't mind it at all. Finally having no thoughts anymore, no anxieties of seeing Sirius looking at me, in disgust, disdainful… I didn't want to think about all those sort of things, but I did. I do think about them, and the saddest thing was that I couldn't even stop with thinking about them: the way he sometimes glances at me from the other side of the room, when we were in a room together, which we try to avoid a lot lately. But that disgust on his face, nobody is able to see it, probably because it is so well-hidden. But I do see it, it is only meant for me to see it. It seems to say, 'this is our problem and no one else's'. But he is wrong. Stuff like this never were _our_ problems, it really was my problem. He never seemed like he had to deal with anything. Except for me. I guess I was the obstacle holding him from going after his dreams. If I just stayed low, with my own stupid feelings, if I just have stayed on the background, than maybe with some chance things still would be fine between Sirius and I. What if I just let go of my feelings? Well, I know that's impossible for sure. But. What if I try. What if I just let him go. Not as a friend, but as a lover, it wasn't like I should actually expect him to be my lover. I, here in this case, was the stupid friend who fell in love with him, which I shouldn't have. I should've reminded myself that something I dreamed of wasn't going to happen. If I only reminded myself that something like my situation now totally wasn't supposed to happen… But I guess I forgot, or maybe I wanted to forget it 'cause he really was attractive. Maybe I just wanted to fantasize about him and me, doing romantic stuff, like walking hand-in-hand along the water, on a sunny day. Or total other sorts of stuff, like us together in our dorms. I wouldn't know how to explain that, but hey, I guess I didn't have to. Because it didn't seem like much people were interested in the silence treatment between me and Sirius. However, silence treatment wouldn't be the right way to describe our situation. We still talked, you know. But… less. I guess it was just platonic talk. _Goodmorning, Hey_ and _goodnight_ were really all the things we said to each other. You don't have to be a detective to know that's not quite a lot.

* * *

Now I just sit here. Doing my homework, an essay for transfiguration, like always. Like usual. Like it should be usual. But it doesn't feel like that, at all. I just try to concentrate but it doesn't help, especially today. Over all this time some months have passed and to be honest, that's not even the worst thing: not having Sirius around when I transform into this.. monster. No, it's that this shitty school acts like Valentine's day is around the corner, but it really isn't. It's more than one month away but as everyone is already totally in the mood of the concept: 'love', I feel like I'm the only person who actually is able to see that it is an useless day! Really. It's all about _buying_ love. As if you could just buy frickin' _love_ with just some money. That's impossible, it is so in the Muggle World and the same counts for the Wizarding World. Everyone is just overacting and I happen to be the only one to see that.

So I'll take a break. I guess it was already enough for today, but I need _something_ to do to just not lose my mind. And on top of that, it's Friday, everyone seems happy that they have a whole new weekend to work on school and especially having fun. Yet they don't know that time flies. It's funny, I just noticed the word 'lie' in 'flies'. Or 'lies' in plural. That doesn't make me any happier though, I want to cry and laugh at the same time. I'm not sure why I want to laugh, but probably because of how ridiculous this all is. It kind of reminds me of the very early morning after the first full moon with my friends. They already had been talking they wanted to help way before that, but they never actually _could_ help me. I was a monster, I'd eat them, alive or not. Screaming for help or not. Anyway, that very morning when I woke up very tired, they were around me, hugging me and comforting me. I cried of happiness and for the same reason I laughed. I was there with my friends and we've all had survived. A real miracle, I thought back then. I know better now though. They had scars because of me, they got their first ones already on our first full moon together. They didn't want to show me, to make sure I wouldn't feel guilty for doing that unconsciously. Well, they couldn't hide it after a year of full moons. They had to show me, not because they wanted to hurt me or something like that, but because they thought I would found out anyway soon and that it was better for them to say it to me, instead of me secretly finding out their secret. Well, they were bloody hell right, I can't say otherwise. Of course I would have figured it out, sooner or later, but I would. There's no possible way to hide all those scars. Well, I could think of a few ways, but I meant that none of the possibilities sounded attractive in any way. Not if they wanted to live a normal life, with people they got friends with in highschool. So in the end, after they had told me, I felt extremely guilty. Even though they said it wasn't my fault. Even though they said they wanted to help me and if these were the conditions than that didn't matter. Even though they said that they thought it looked cooler on them. Despite everything I felt guilty, maybe just because of the reason they said everything, but felt nothing. At least that's what I thought. They risked their lives in order to protect me. They did it even in an _attempt_ to protect me, from whatever harm I might do to myself. And that's… That just means everything to me. Everything. But still I really fucking things up, for example: our whole friendship. Of course it isn't just gone. But it's, somewhere, far away. It's not here with us, we're just strangers now, who happen to be in touch. And even in that insane and little story, there is a person, who you could hardly call a person, falling in love with someone special, but the love is just unilateral. Only one person is trying his best in this story. And even how much I want to be that one person, which is kind of weird 'cause he didn't get his love returned, but I ain't. It's him, Sirius, who's the 'trying' person. He is the person who still wants friendship with me. _But only friendship isn't enough, not for me._ _Not anymore._ But that's just the way things are. He tries to save our friendship but I happen to be the person trying to stop him from fixing it. I'm the guilty bastard trying to make our friendship over, and that hurts even more than being the one that's left behind. Because I'm not trying anything, I'm actually doing it and it works. Who would've thought that.

I feel like a sociopath now, I don't know. Right after I thought that I knew, of course I knew. It's me we're talking about. I am just such an arse who doesn't look through things clearly. I just didn't see that Sirius was never falling in love with me beforehand. I just skipped that bit and let my love for him flow, let myself dream and dream all about him. Allowing myself to masturbate (to fucking wank!) while thinking about him. _I was thinking about him as a sex-object._ And I must say, that only makes things worse. Worse than it already is, which seemed to be impossible at this point, these moments of hell, but I guess not. There's always enough reason to fill someone's life with even more pain, especially when it comes to my life. Just when I'm thinking about that, Sirius shows up, and he's not alone. He's with Marlene, but he doesn't see me though. Maybe better, I think, after all we both don't want me screaming at them again, though we both know I was more yelling to him than to Marlene. So I stay low, I even bow my head to the table till it actually touches my parchment. I keep looking down at the table, until their silent whispers are gone.

I look up and… Nothing. They're just gone it seems, they only passed me on their way. _Maybe on purpose._ But it wasn't, a rightful mind would know that it wasn't on purpose. Now people would ask, why? Well, actually all because I know I'm the one ruining our friendship while he's only trying to fix it, so he wouldn't have done this on purpose. Ha! I'm actually seeing that 'walking past me' is an actual bad thing. I must have gone insane, all along. Thinking he tries to hit on me too, of course he doesn't. And it seems like everyone knows how things work these days except for me. Rightfully I am sad, I deserve that. Nothing more.

* * *

''How am I honestly feeling like this?!'', it's a questions to both myself and the universe. Why does a gay werewolf had to fall in love with his best friend, why me?! And more specifically, ''Ẃhy Sirius?!''. I said it out loud I realise, but it didn't matter, not to me at least. Besides the common room seemed empty to me, so all I do would go unnoticed. It's insane really, looking for a room to breath in relief, to just say whatever I want. I put my head in my hands, and softly cry. A short cry, for relief and exhaustment couldn't possibly hurt.

''Sirius… I love you…'', I whisper with a crackling voice.

I wipe away my tears. I was supposed to be a short cry, and so it will be _only_ a short cry. Only one breath, now I should return to the madness world.

But something's bothering my mind. The question, though, contains more than you'd expect. It's not only about why exactly _I_ had to fall in love with Sirius, but also why am I feeling like I should fix this disaster. Like it's gonna work. It's truthfully not, there's no escaping from it, but the feeling stays. So I should do something about it.

I stand up and leave the common room, assuming it was empty.

''I'm going to do something good'', and to reinforce my decision.


	6. Chapter 6

**James' pov.**

''So he really said that out loud?! I honestly can't believe what I'm hearing.''

''Yeah, sure he did!'', says Peter. We're both excited. Honestly I wouldn't know the reason why, 'cause what I've just heard didn't seem something light or funny, it did rather sound... something close to dramatic. In this case it wasn't specifically bad, but it didn't seem something good either. Still we laughed, for now we still could.

After some time we stopped, it happened real quick. We were just done with laughing, or maybe we finally realised where we've been laughing about… Remus' feeli- ''Do you know what he meant? With doing something good, I mean'', Peter asks, exactly what was on my mind too.

''I honestly don't know'', but I did know, right? I should know. It was my friend! We were close, why weren't we that close so I understood everything he said?

What could he possibly do? Making up with Sirius? He wouldn't, right? I hope not for him though, Sirius is in a really bad mood today, he didn't look like he could use another fight.

''If we hurry we might catch up on him before he makes Sirius explode'', I grin, but I feel sad inside. Is it a good plan? I don't know. Would Remus want you close now, when he's doing 'something good'? I don't know. Is there some serious problem hiding behind the fight between Sirius and Remus? I don't know. I don't seem to know much and that frustrates me, quite much, but I don't show it and walk along with Peter, trying to follow Remus' footsteps and trying to do 'something good'.


	7. Chapter 7

Sirius' Pov.

I see him walking, Remus. I don't know how he knew I'd be here, exactly in this empty part of the castle, but I'm not looking for a fight, again. And so I hide, that's my plan. I grin, why do I always have those amazingly great ideas!? Hide and seek with someone who's obsessed with me, #alldayeveryday. I can't avoid a quick laugh, but it's loud, very loud, especially with Remus panting in my neck, both figuratively and literally. I quickly hold my breath.

I hear footsteps.

I look around for anything I can hide behind. I see some garlands lying on the floor, that's right, yesterday there was a party here, I was there too. Ofcourse Remus wasn't, he's been trying to avoid me ever since 'our' little fight, though he totally nailed it I must admit... And there I see it, a wooden door with a strong-looking keyhole, however I know it's just a showoff, there isn't even a key for that lock. Memories come above, yesterday I was here with Marlene, I remember pushing her against the wall and kissing her passionately. Then we just rolled leaning on the wall, eventually we fell through the door, it just opened the soon we leaned on it and even broke on the floor in pieces, ofcourse nothing stays broken on this school. I sneaked to the door and disappeared in the room behind it. It was just as I remembered, big and empty, it gave us the feeling that we were being watched. I remember pushing a small closet for the opening where the door was supposed to be, my instinct told me to do the same and so I pushed the small closet against the door.

I heard the footsteps again, louder, I knew he must've been close, I heard doornoices, someone wanted to open the door. I pushed to the small closet, leaning against the door. Suddenly the force from outside stopped and it was quiet again. And then I heard it.

''Sirius?'', it was a soft, insecure voice, I couldn't move. Did he know where I was!?

''Sirius?'', he asked, louder this time, his voice expressed his strong confidence. I had to say something.

''Yeah, I'm here,'' I said, regretting it the second I said it,''...I'm studying''. Like I owe him an explanation, I thought sarcastically. What am I even doing!?

''I'm sorry for the other day,'' Remus begins,''I think I just came here to say that-''

''You're sorry''

''...Yeah….I'm sorry'', he quickly adds.

''Moony?'', I say. Moving as close to the door as I physically can,''Can we now be friends again?'', I ask shyly. Somewhere I know it's stupid to ask.


End file.
